BIG NEWS! Well First of all, Oldman Witherspoon forgot to get Y2K compliant stuff, so Y2K set late ('How!?' you ask!? ITS NOT IMPORTANT!) so we spent last week trying to set our VCR's clock. So thats why there was no new issue last week. It will further be known as The Lost Week!
In further news: I, Namdlo have discovered something awful! The Government has placed huge towers throughout our town! We have spotted between three and four of these towers. Inside these tower was the secret (Potato) chip Albert Einstein created. Now this chip sent hypno-radiation through the air, making everyone watch PBS! And be like, boring...people. They were also using them as an electric fence to keep people locked in the city. I had to inform the only people I could think of to take on this mission! The Hobotopia Hobos! I informed Fantastic Dan, who Informed Dickson Humphrey. They deceided to take down the main tower with the Anarchy Lazer. They were distracted on the way four times, being attacked by enemy Hindues four times! They took them on and prevailed! Later after crossing the train tracks they met up with the hobos, Lil' Moe(with the gimpy leg), and Gentle Timmy! They went up to the main tower and blasted the tower once, (being the first blast they must...blast...) and then they moved closer for the main blast. They
took off and got to safety before it completly blew! What they didn't know was that Unko Bunko JR was on top of the tower! At the first blast, which made him fly up two feet, he thought he just farted, and thought that fart gave him a severe enima! At the second blast he jumped off while the blast took place! While the hobos were running back to Hobotopia, Gentle Timmy, and Lil' Moe (with the gimpy leg) ran off, and were gone. On the way home, Fantastic Dan, and Dickson Humphrey ran into Hidues once again!!! They did prevail with witty power battling though! Then all the hobos met up at Hobotopia and spent the night. In the morning they saw the tower back up. It was the governments way of keeping everything under rapps. It was a big holograhm. But they learned of Unko Bunko! So back they went! Fantastic Dan and Dickson Humphrey agreed to meet Lil' Moe (with the gimpy leg), and Gentle Timmy at the train tracks once again. Dickson Humphrey, and Fantastic Dan fought some Hindues on the way to the tower. After
they met back up again with the rest of the hobos, they found a shell with Sko' Power! They picked it up asnd took it with them. They rushed up in formation near the tower! After playing the secret call, they heard a noise! It was Unko Bunko JR! Gentle Timmy, being careless, was walking too close! He was knocked down by Unko Bunko! Then Dickson Humphrey ran up and started fighting Unko Bunko JR! After Fantastic Dan put on his gloves, him and Lil' Moe(with the gimpy leg), took off and started fighting him! Unko Bunko JR was backing up when he tripped! AND FELL ON HIS TUCAS! They immedialy started poking him with sticks! They won! And threw the compressed feces bomp into the holograhm! They took off and made it to safety with seconds to spare before the bomb went off! They found out that someone else had rebuilt the tower before the government could make the titanium replica (which would be a cellular phone tower, so no one is the wiser!)! Whoever it was, had developed another chip, like the one that Einstein
had made! But this magic potato chip, did not send hypno rays! NO NO! It was faulty! Einstein never left the instructions on how to built bake the chip! So this retard made on that would blow up the whole area! INCLUDING HOBOTOPIA! So the Hobos got the Sparkly power stones they had found, and the super power
blasters, and headed back to see whats what! When they got to the top of the mountain that was in their way, they all abandoned the mission, except for fantastic dan! When he got to the tower (once again!), he found out that it was built by Bolzworth, Unko Bunko JR's Henchman! He had rebuilt the tower, for the soon to be hatched out of his Hindu egg.....BAM BAM! UNKO BUNKO JR JR! Fantastic Dan assembled the Lazer by attaching one of the Sparkly Stones, to one of the Power Blasters, set it up, shot it, and blew them bad guys to...Delaware? Well everything worked out well in the end! The Government was defeated, Hobotopia was saved from being blow up, and everything worked out good! So remember THAT the next time you buy a Volkswagon for a member of the "Greedy Government"
The NEW WSN COMIC!
Wasn't that GREAT!?
4/20/01
BIG NEWS! Well this week, lots of people ate marshmallow peeps! Amazing but true! Seeing as how Sunday was Easter, its not that unusual, but I just love those things and thought I should state it. Well this week was a great one for us ’Witherspooners’ because we got a very special treat for Easter! One hard boiled egg, and a marshmallow peep a piece! I just LOVE those peeps! PEEPS! And we were freed from our shackles for about twelve minute, thirty seven seconds! WOO-HOO! We ‘Witherspooners’ are kept locked in Oldman Witherspoon’s basement, locked in shackles. Incase you are new to the site, he kidnapped us and forced us at gunpoint to write his newsy paper. I said to that Witherspoon, I said “If I don’t get freed, I’ll kill you with my bare hands I will”, well Oldman Witherspoon, filled with drunken rage replied by cocking his newly looted double barrel ’Shotgun of Justice’, and said “bring it on desperado, I’ll open up a can of whipped cream on ya! Those things are in aerosol cans! Cans have aerosol for peepin’! PEEPIN’!“ So I apologized, and started work on my article again. Well also Big Papa Gomez urinated all over himself. We all laughed and called him “Squirty McSquirts”. He enjoyed this nickname, and insisted we call him this thirty-six percent of the time. Also, Oopa Butterworths tried to escape. He succeeded, by munching on his shackles. But after he escaped, he ran back as fast as he could because he was afraid of that big bright orange thing in the sky, and he missed us all too much. He was gone for about forty-two seconds. It was a traumatic time. The only thing new with that Sko’ Man is that he broke those little plastic things on the end of his shoelaces. That and he ate a brownie. I wanted that brownie! But he won the reward challenge! CURSES! I’ve been foiled again! NOOOO! Ok, and also Aliens took over the white house, and enslaved us all, but that’s still not as important as the BROWNIE! I WANTED that brownie! NOOOO! Ok well ENDO!
The NEW WSN COMIC!
Wow...Just...Wow...
4/27/01
BIG NEWS! That Sko'Man is...MISSING!!! One night while Oldman Witherspoon was taking him for a walk, and trying to make him pee on a fire hydrant, that Sko'Man unhooked himself from his leash and fled!!! Oldman pulled out his trusty "Shotgun of Justice" and fired at him repeatedly! That Sko'Man took a shot to the leg, but kept running! Oldman, drunk on his own sense of power, attempted to chase him on a shopping cart, but he didn't get far when he realized that the shopping cart had only three wheels. So he came back and told us the news. He said "NYAA! Funny Face 'scaped! NYAAA! He go'd away! Nyaa! I'll kill you! Nyaa!". Oopa Butterworths cried for days saying "Ooh! I miss that Sko'Man! Boo hoo! I pretended to hate him, but I don't REALLY hate him! Boo Hoo! WAAA!". The rest of us were naturally upset too. There is a \\$5,000 bounty on that Sko'Man's head. If anyone knows of his wereabouts please notify us, there is an E-MAIL link at the bottom of the page. Ok, well THANK YOU AND GOODBYE!
This is an article written by a guy named Moosalini. If you like this and think he should join the site, then say so in the guestbook. YOU DECIDE!
SPORTS!
Hello! This is Moosalini! Me is here! Doing things! Me went to the bathroom! It was fun! Mikeoo don’t let me do NOTHIN’! Me was scared! Because me was danglin’! By me feet! Me stole his pibows! And his blankey! Him is a nice guy! Who didn’t buy me a whopper! I like things! Where’s Mikeoo!? I miss him. Can me be a big MOOSE!? Are you my friend!? I don’t have a doggy, but I have a house! I live in it! Me went to the bathroom! A lot! I heard that Mikeoo played fooseball the other day! With him’s friends! They play that a lot! And Mikeoo losted! A lot! But that Jare Bear didn’t lose! He won! A lot! And um...Buy me food! With CHEESE! And MUSTARD! My favorite foods! Because I am good! And other three year olds are not! Me has been three three different times! It was fun! Cuz I am OLD! And wiry! And then me fought with Mikeoo! A lot! And he said to me “Moosalini! Bake me cake! NO! I’ll bake you a cake because I love you! And you are pretty! And Nice! And the bestest!” And then me said “OK! But put lots of CHEESE! AND MUSTARD! IN IT!” And he said “Why but of coarse! Only the bestest for my Moosalini!” And me was happy! HE HE! And then that’s the end! Love Moosalini!
The NEW WSN COMIC!
HOO HA!
Oopa's New Comic!
Ok....!!!
6/28/01
BIG NEWS! After much computer trouble, Car trouble, and toilet trouble, WSN IS BACK!...WITH A VENGEANCE! ARGH! Ok! Well the hunt for that Sko' Man is still on! We have hunted high, low, north, south, east, left, right, and upside down. We didn't go west because Oldman Witherspoon said "DA! Them westerners are confusing! I'll kill them good! We not lookin' for Skippy there!". One day we went scrounging in the dark, looking for that Sko' Man, when...WE FOUND HIM! We beat him with a bat till he yelled "Get that small, winged nocturnal mammal away from me!" Then he kicked us in the bonkers, and ran away. He was wearing a shirt that said "McDonalds" on it, it looked like some kind of work shirt. So we went looking at Wal-Mart to see if he worked there...they said he didn't...So we didn't know where else to look. When finally we went to McDonalds to look in the trash for french fries, and we saw that Sko' Man cleaning up vomit in the floor! We then yelled "SKOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' MAAAAAAAAAAAN!" and threw a wooden shoe at him! He then...DIED! We blame Big Papa Gomez, because he was the owner of the shoe, although Oopa Butterworths did throw it. So then when Oldman found out he said "ARGH! Me Tooth Hurts!" So he made us wrap his head in a balloon and throw him in the street in front of a Cadillac. We then sued for killing him, and bought a new toaster! Then we went and captured Moosalini by luring him with a mustard and cheese sandwich. The article we posted last time was his theses for Harvard. We stole it out of their filing cabinet. They have a BIG filing cabinet, it is a dark color, and says "Dumpster" on it...Most impressive. So Moosalini is taking that Sko'Man's place. The last thing that Sko' Man said was "Im a stupid, stupid man.". Ok well tell us what you think of Moosalini! ENDO!
