General Hewlett Packard invaded his next-door neighbor's back lawn earlier this morning. Eyewitnesses accused him of being extremely primal whilst thrashing about with a large stick, screaming something about his phone being thrown into a pool. His midget neighbor proceeded to try to tackle him, but with no success - the small one met the great general's knee...followed by his boot, and then his stick. After a mighty power battle, the midget threw a rock and it hit his foe in the neck. General Packard ran off to his yard, hopped through the nearest open window and disappeared from sight...though through the remains of the day, a faint, almost pig-like squealing was heard coming from inside the house. I'll keep you updated on this story as it progresses (well, not really).

A duck flew past the jolly worm on his way to work, when suddenly the mole ran through and stole his jolly hat. My skull got smashed against a table while I was getting up, and then I ate some ice dream and then I made a snowman on the beach. My foot told me that I needed to get out more...then he started kicking while yelling "Stop kicking yourself!" and "I'm gonna mess you up, boy!" It was a dark day indeed...er...I guess it wasn't - the sun was out and I played soccer with my schoolyard chums. In the magic land of Canadia, many people have had happy birthdays, but not Roger Thompson. He lives in near the tundra, and he doesn't know how to read or write...or tie his shoes, and count by twos. He is a moron, it is true. I am not living in Canadia, but some day I hope to take a photo of a happy red man.

I'm not funny. You know it, I know it, you know it, I know it, you know it, I know it...we all know it. I'm not gonna quit the cold turkey. It goes down a little bit, but then it quits smoking like a monkey. I am the mighty-happy jiggy pig of justice! I am the breakbeat monkey! Hello Cleveland!